Fatherhood Unfiltered: What Nobody Told Me About Being a Dad (But Probably Should Have)

There’s a moment—usually around 2 a.m.—when the baby’s crying is bouncing off the walls, and you’re wondering if sleep is something you’ll ever experience again. You start questioning everything. Did I swaddle wrong? Did I mix the formula with the wrong ratio? Did I offend some ancient baby god in a past life? This is where fatherhood really begins—not in the Instagram-perfect moments, but in the trenches of exhaustion, doubt, and wondering if you’ll ever feel like you’ve got this under control. I'll save you the suspense: you won’t. But that’s kind of the beauty of it.

When Sarah and I had Olivia, I thought I knew what to expect. I mean, I’d read the books. I’d watched some YouTube tutorials. But once I got in the thick of things, it turns out there’s a lot that the manuals and experts leave out. And with Luca joining our family this year, I’m reminded all over again that parenting isn’t something you master. It’s something you survive, learn from, and even laugh about (when you’re slightly more rested.)

The Shifting Dynamics of Fatherhood

Nobody prepares you for the emotional Olympics that comes with becoming a dad. Sure, there’s the joy of holding your baby for the first time, but there’s also this underlying sense of, Oh my God, I’m responsible for keeping this tiny human alive. And it’s not just about the baby—it’s about your partner, too.

Sarah is amazing, but I quickly learned that being a dad isn’t just about showing up for the baby. It’s about showing up for her, too. She’s going through her own set of challenges—physical, emotional, and mental—and while I can’t carry the baby or breastfeed, I can carry the metaphorical load in other ways.

Sometimes that means waking up for the midnight feedings so she can sleep a little longer. Sometimes it’s holding her while she cries because hormones are wild and sleep deprivation is no joke. And sometimes, it’s as simple as asking, “What do you need from me right now?” That's the big one.

Baby Care 101: Trial, Error, and a Little Googling

Let’s talk about baby care. I’m convinced there’s a secret society of dads who are naturally good at swaddling and diaper changes, but I’m not in it. Olivia was a patient zero for my learning curve.

For instance, nobody tells you that baby poop can be every color of the rainbow and still be “normal.” Or that babies somehow have the strength of professional wrestlers when you’re trying to clip their nails. Or that the phrase “sleep like a baby” was obviously coined by someone who never had one.

But here’s the thing: You figure it out. You Google. You text a dad friend. You follow #babyhacks on Tik Tok. You mess up, and then you get it right. And when you do—when you nail that perfect swaddle or soothe your baby back to sleep at 3 a.m.—it feels like winning gold.

The Unexpected Lessons

If fatherhood has taught me anything, it’s that I have way more patience than I thought—and also way less control. Babies don’t care about your plans. They don’t care if you had a meeting or if you haven’t showered in two days. They operate on their own chaotic little timelines, and all you can do is roll with it.

I’ve also learned that fatherhood isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. Olivia doesn’t care if I folded her onesies perfectly or if I sang the wrong words of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” (I do, actually. How I wonder "where" you are is how I was taught. Seems to make more sense. "What" you are? You're a star, it's obvious. Where you are though, that's a mystery. Space is big and all...) She just wants me there—reading her books, playing peek-a-boo, or making silly faces until she laughs.

Studies show that kids with actively involved dads are less likely to experience behavioral problems and more likely to succeed academically. That’s a lot of pressure, sure, but it’s also a reminder that the little things we do every day—feeding, bathing, showing up—add up to something huge.

Final Thoughts (For Now)

Fatherhood, like anything else, is a learning curve. Some days, you’ll crush it. Other days, you’ll wonder if you’re even cut out for this. But if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that being a dad isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being there.

So, here’s to the sleepless nights, the messy diaper changes, and the moments that make it all worth it. And if you’re lucky, you might even get a giggle or a smile that makes the chaos feel like magic.