Preparing Your Firstborn for the Arrival of Their Very First Sibling

Olivia’s world is about to change in ways she can’t quite imagine yet. With Luca’s arrival coming up, we’re navigating the delicate task of preparing her for a new chapter of toddler-hood. As a first-time big sister, Olivia’s life is going to shift from being the sole center of our attention to sharing the spotlight with her little brother. It’s a transition that brings excitement but also a mix of curiosity and potential apprehension. Sarah and I are committed to making sure Olivia feels secure, included, and loved as she steps into this new role, while ensuring she knows that while things will be different, her place in our hearts will always be the same.

1. Talk About It, But Keep It Real

First, we’ve been talking to Olivia about what it means to be a big sister. Sarah and I try to make it exciting without sugar-coating things (because toddlers can smell disingenuousness like dogs smell fear). We talk about all the fun things she’ll get to do—like teaching Luca how to blow raspberries or showing him how to make a perfectly cringeworthy face during dinner. And while we keep it light, I’ve made it a point to acknowledge that things are going to be different. Different isn’t bad, but it’s new, and I want her to know that.

When your kid is little, their understanding is a bit… abstract. This morning, Olivia pointed to her baby doll and said, “That’s Luca!” when we were talking about him. So, I let her take the lead a bit and help her imagine what it will look like when Luca arrives. The tiny onesies, the odd smells, the 2 a.m. feedings. Of course, there’s a fine line between honest and terrifying, but the goal is to prepare them without putting them in the role of emotional caretaker before they’re ready.

2. Special Time for the Big Sibling

One thing I’ve been making sure of is giving Olivia her special time. These days, I’m learning that I can’t just tell her she’s special; I’ve got to show her. Whether it’s a trip to the park, an afternoon movie with popcorn (yes, even at home we pop real popcorn because she’s a movie critic already), or just hanging out while Sarah’s napping with a toddler-sized yoga mat next to her (no, she can’t actually do yoga, but she thinks it’s hilarious), Olivia needs her moments to be the center of attention.

And I get it—once Luca arrives, those moments are going to be harder to come by. Sarah and I are trying to create a sense of stability by making sure Olivia still gets her individual time with us. The balance between showing her that Luca’s arrival is exciting while reassuring her that she’s still a priority? It’s a juggling act that would make Cirque du Soleil look like a backyard barbecue.

3. Get Them Involved

We’re not talking about Olivia doing the night shift (trust me, the kid would be on the floor crying faster than a TikTok trend fizzles out). But getting your firstborn involved in baby prep can make them feel like they’re a part of this new chapter, rather than like an outsider who just happens to live in the house.

Olivia helped us pick out Luca’s blanket and diaper bag, and she’s absolutely convinced that her input is why he’s going to have the most amazing baby stuff ever (which, to be honest, she’s probably right about). There’s a lot of power in a kid’s sense of contribution, so it’s about finding age-appropriate ways to get them involved.

4. Read Books About Siblinghood (Yes, Even the Cheesy Ones)

Okay, I’ll admit it: I thought storybooks about siblinghood were just a quick, easy way to fill a bookshelf. But after flipping through a few of them with Olivia, I realized how useful they could be. They help her understand what’s coming and give her some emotional language to process it. Some books are straightforward, like Big Sister, Little Brother, while others are a bit more playful and whimsical (with illustrations that make you wonder if they’re on the juice). Either way, reading them with Olivia has been a chance to let her express her questions and excitement. And as a dad who knows the next few months will involve a lot of diaper duties and late-night bottle warm-ups, that kind of bonding is worth its weight in gold.

5. Set Realistic Expectations (for Everyone)

Let’s be honest: we’re going to mess up. Sleep-deprived dads and moms are going to stumble through mornings like they’ve just taken a shot of espresso directly to the forehead. But it’s okay if Olivia starts acting a bit… off. As she adjusts, there might be some jealousy, some confusion, even some toddler-sized tantrums. But this isn’t the time to play the “let’s be perfect parents” game.

I think one of the most important things I’m trying to remember is to expect the unexpected. If Olivia throws a fit because Luca’s crying and she can’t have the toy she wants, I know she’s not being difficult just to spite me. She’s a kid who’s trying to make sense of a world that’s suddenly more complex than it used to be. And when that happens, it’s okay to lean into the chaos and remind her (and myself) that we’re all in this together.

6. Don’t Underestimate the Power of a Good Routine

Sarah and I have been trying to keep Olivia’s day-to-day as familiar as possible. If she’s still in her preschool routine with snack time, nap time, and the odd “let’s turn on some music and dance” sessions, the transition won’t feel as abrupt. Kids crave routine—there’s some comfort in knowing what’s coming next. When Luca arrives, I know there’ll be curveballs, but keeping Olivia’s day as predictable as possible is going to be a lifeline for everyone.

7. Finally, Celebrate the Small Wins

This is probably my favorite one, and it’s one I’m learning to practice every day. Maybe Olivia didn’t want to share her toy when Luca was born, but maybe she did after 10 minutes and a handful of stickers. Maybe she’ll finally hold Luca’s hand without making a face. When those small moments happen, I’m planning to be the dad who takes a mental snapshot and says, “Hey, that was pretty great, wasn’t it?”

Because when your whole world changes in the span of a few days, sometimes you just have to celebrate the wins that are already happening, even if they’re small ones. And to be honest, when Olivia looks at Luca and smiles the first time, I think I’ll be crying just as hard as when I first met her.

Fatherhood isn’t a checklist; it’s more like a living document that you update as you go. When you’re preparing your firstborn for a new sibling, there’s no one-size-fits-all, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re showing up, doing your best, and remembering that it’s okay to laugh at the chaos, cry a little, and always keep the snacks on hand—trust me, that’s one thing that never changes.