The One Thing to Show the Mother of Your Child Every Day

My wife was 3-4 months pregnant and she had just spent an entire day with our 3-year old who had been driving her up a wall all day. Before I go on, if you haven't had a 3-year old yet, let me tell you what it's like: a small person follows you around all day by your side asking you or telling you the same things over and over again until it drives you mad. God forbid it's something you have no control over. Like she had these alphabet playing cards, and she hid the letter C somewhere in the house. For an entire week she'd pester you to find the "letter c." (This coming from the person who hid it themselves.) There's only so many times you tell them that the letter c is gone, it's vanished, it's dead. But she'll just keep asking until you snap. When you snap (which you will) and you yell at them -- no matter how loud -- it will have zero effect. Typically, when you yell at someone, they back down, they know not to bother you anymore. That's the world you've grown accustomed to. But those things don't matter anymore. Reason doesn't matter anymore. It's their world and you're just trying your best not to kill them. Unless you've had a 3-year old you won't quite understand the gravity of this until you've experienced it.

Back to my wife. It was one of those days. Also, my wife is a nurse, so she works twelve hour shifts. When it's the day after a 12-hour shift and your 4 months pregnant, you need a break. Not to mention the hormones. God, the hormones. Anyway, later in the evening we had one of those silly married arguments couples have -- I don't even remember what it was -- but in every fight any of us engage in, the goal is to win the argument. Or you wouldn't be arguing in the first place. The argument ended with me on the winning end, meaning whatever it was, it wasn't my fault, it was actually her fault. I got mad at her for being wrong. And you know, she knew she was wrong. And instead of being compassionate, I was being a total jackass. Then, through red and teary eyes, with a tone of broken weariness she said to me:  can't you just give me some grace?

Just typing that out makes me teary eyed. Of course, of course you deserve grace! You deserve so much more than that too!

Something about that knocked me off my feet. Here this woman was literally carrying the load of our child, working 12-hour shifts two-three days a week, running after our out of control 3-year old, and not to mention, that when my wife is with Olivia, she gives her 100% attention. She is completely drained. At work she gives of herself to taking care of her patients, at home she gives of herself to our child (and me, of course, because I need it.) She literally has no time for herself. Plus, she's new at this parenting thing too; and after all, it's not just about about you, right?

She deserves every ounce of grace I can give. I have to remind myself to cut her slack. Before parenthood we had our quarrels and we acted a certain way to each other in those quarrels, the same rules of engagement no longer apply once she becomes a mother. Slack must be cut for your partner.